CITIZENSHIP REQUIRED

HEADLINE

Shauners Torches justincash 163.38–149.00, Shea's Boyfriend Survives by 0.02

WEEK IN REVIEW

The league's most chaotic Sunday ended with Shauners posting the week's high score of 163.38 to beat justincash, who dropped to 5-4 despite scoring 149.00. Here is the beautiful part: Shauners started Garrett Wilson, who put up 0.00 points and is currently listed OUT with a concussion, and still won by 14.38. CeeDee Lamb (33.50), Javonte Williams (25.40), Brock Purdy (25.28) and Brock Bowers (22.30) did the heavy lifting while a dead roster slot rode along for free. That is a team winning with one hand tied behind its back, and the other hand holding a beer.

Meanwhile, Mother Kelly finally cashed in some of that league-high 1215.98 total points, flattening andie 148.66–99.76 in the week's biggest blowout (48.90 points). Kenneth Walker III went off for 39.30, and Jake Bates, a Week 8 free-agent kicker, chipped in 15.00. Mother Kelly is 5-4 and W1, and the standings-versus-scoring paradox is a little less insulting today. Over at the top, Young Shea sits alone in first at 6-3 after scraping past Stackhouse2026 93.94–89.48, a score that was 22% below the league average. The league's best record belongs to a team that scored 93.94 and left 26.10 on the bench. Enjoy it, Shea.

The bottom of the pile got weird too. JesusJesse upset chass 132.54–116.18 behind Joe Burrow's 33.54, and a 0.02-point finish (yes, two hundredths) separated Shea's Boyfriend from HEEEEEEEEEEEEE, a loss so small it should be classified as a clerical error. Six teams are now stacked at 5-4 or better with nothing separating them but points scored, and Week 10 is about to turn every game into an elimination bout.

MATCHUP RECAPS

Mother Kelly (Mother Kelly) def. andie (andie), 148.66–99.76

Kenneth Walker III erupted for 39.30, accounting for more than a quarter of Mother Kelly's total, with Luther Burden III (20.70) and Jonah Coleman (18.80) backing him up. Even Jake Bates, the Week 8 free-agent kicker, delivered 15.00. At 148.66, Mother Kelly finished 23% above the league average. andie's 99.76 was a faceplant: Zay Flowers (5.30), Braelon Allen (5.40) and Rachaad White (6.90) combined for 17.60 points from three starting slots, while 43.40 points sat on her bench. andie falls to 5-4 on L1, and the benchmark of the logjam just got benched. Mother Kelly climbs to 5-4 and W1, still holding the league's best total points at 1215.98.

Young Shea (Young Shea) def. Stackhouse2026 (Stackhouse2026), 93.94–89.48

Young Shea is 6-3 and alone in first place after scoring 93.94, which was 22% below the league average. That is not a typo. She beat a 1-8 team by 4.46 points, with James Cook III (19.70) and Chris Olave (16.80) doing the lifting while Justin Jefferson posted 8.80 and Kyle Pitts managed 5.30. Another 26.10 points rode the bench, because this is who Shea is. Stackhouse2026 scored 89.48, was 26% below average, and got a flat 0.00 from kicker Chris Boswell, which is how a 1-8 team finds a creative way to lose by a field goal. Stackhouse is now on L7, and the playoff math died weeks ago.

Shea's Boyfriend (Shea's Boyfriend) def. HEEEEEEEEEEEEE (HEEEEEEEEEEEEE), 110.38–110.36

A 0.02-point margin is the closest game of the season, and it decided everything. HEEEEEEEEEEEEE's loss stings extra because he picked up the Giants DEF as a Week 9 free agent and got 15.00 from it, and it still wasn't enough. Ja'Marr Chase scored 31.50 and the rest of the lineup shrugged, with Jameson Williams at 5.00 and Andy Borregales at 3.00. Shea's Boyfriend rode Bijan Robinson (29.70) and Ka'imi Fairbairn (17.00) to the win, despite the Patriots DEF logging a glorious -6.00 and 90.68 points sitting on his bench. Read that again. He left 90.68 points unused and won by 0.02. Shea's Boyfriend moves to 5-4 on W1, HEEEEEEEEEEEEE drops to 5-4 on L1, and both teams are now stuck in the middle of the pile.

JesusJesse (JesusJesse) def. chass (chass), 132.54–116.18

Joe Burrow finally got a win to go with a monster game, scoring 33.54, and KC Concepcion Jr. (18.80) and Rome Odunze (16.00) backed him up. JesusJesse jumps to 3-6 on W1 and, thanks to 132.54 points (9% above league average), has a pulse again. chass was undone by a lineup that looks like it was drafted blindfolded: Jared Goff (5.30), Derrick Henry (5.58) and Quinshon Judkins (5.50) combined for 16.38 points across three starting slots. Puka Nacua (35.00) and Christian Watson (30.10) did their best, but 59.62 bench points tell the real story. chass falls to 5-4 on L1, and the 195.94 ghost of Week 5 looks very far away.

Shauners (Shauners) def. justincash (justincash), 163.38–149.00

Shauners scored 163.38, the week's high and 35% above the league average, with Lamb (33.50), Williams (25.40), Purdy (25.28) and Bowers (22.30) all hitting. This was a rare lineup where every position pulled weight, except WR2 Garrett Wilson, who is currently listed OUT and gave a 0.00. Even with that dead slot, Shauners won by 14.38. justincash scored 149.00 (23% above average) and still lost, because Matthew Golden (32.40), Bucky Irving (28.50) and Dak Prescott (25.50) got no help from Tucker Kraft (1.90) and D'Andre Swift (3.10). The returning champ falls to 5-4 on L1, a rough break in a week when 149.00 points would have won most matchups. Shauners moves to 5-4 on W1 and is suddenly back in the conversation.

POWER RANKINGS

1. Young Shea (Young Shea, 6-3): Lone leader at 6-3 despite a 93.94 score that was 22% below average. First place is first place, but 26.10 bench points say luck is running the show.
2. Mother Kelly (Mother Kelly, 5-4): League-best 1215.98 total points finally turned into a blowout win. The talent-to-record paradox is shrinking, and she should be first by Week 11.
3. justincash (justincash, 5-4): A 149.00 score is a ceiling most teams envy, yet he lost to Shauners. Second in points among 5-4s, so the title window is still open.
4. andie (andie, 5-4): Fell to 99.76 against Mother Kelly with 43.40 bench points idle. Third in total points at 1130.30, but the L1 hurts and the logjam is unforgiving.
5. Shea's Boyfriend (Shea's Boyfriend, 5-4): Won by 0.02 and left 90.68 points on his bench. The 183.18 season high proves the ceiling exists, but the floor is a trapdoor.
6. Shauners (Shauners, 5-4): League-best 163.38 despite a 0.00 from Garrett Wilson. Averaging 120.77, she is one healthy WR2 away from being genuinely dangerous.
7. chass (chass, 5-4): That 116.18 loss came with Goff, Henry and Judkins combining for 16.38 from three slots. The 195.94 high is a distant memory and the floor is cracking.
8. HEEEEEEEEEEEEE (HEEEEEEEEEEEEE, 5-4): Lost by 0.02 with a 15.00 free-agent DEF in the lineup. Ja'Marr Chase at 31.50 deserves a better supporting cast than this.
9. JesusJesse (JesusJesse, 3-6): Burrow's 33.54 produced a W1 and an upset over chass. At 3-6 he needs a miracle, but 132.54 is a sign of life.
10. Stackhouse2026 (Stackhouse2026, 1-8): L7 and a 0.00 from Chris Boswell completes the picture. Stackhouse lost by 4.46 to the first-place team, which is the closest thing to a moral victory all season.

LOOKING AHEAD

• ›Marquee Matchup: Mother Kelly (5-4, 1215.98 PF) is the league's most dangerous scoring machine, and whoever draws her in Week 10 faces a team that just hit 148.66 with Kenneth Walker III at 39.30.
• ›Streak Watch: Stackhouse2026 carries L7 into Week 10, and a loss makes it eight straight. The 1-8 record is already a season-long memorial, and the streak is the epitaph.
• ›Must-Win: justincash and andie both sit at 5-4 on L1 after scoring 149.00 and 99.76 respectively. Both need to stop the bleeding in a logjam where every loss drops you a spot.
• ›Revenge Game: HEEEEEEEEEEEEE lost by 0.02 to Shea's Boyfriend with a 15.00 free-agent DEF in the lineup. A 0.02 loss is the kind of thing that lives in a manager's head all week.
• ›League Trend: Bench points keep exceeding margins: Shea's Boyfriend left 90.68 unused, Mother Kelly left 77.06, and Young Shea won while leaving 26.10 behind. The manager who sets the right lineup separates from this pile.