NOCO NFL

HEADLINE

Rocky Mountain Renegades Score 52.50 as Dumpster Fire Stays Perfect

WEEK IN REVIEW

Let's start at the bottom, because the bottom is where the carnage is. Rocky Mountain Renegades put up 52.50 points, the lowest score of the entire season and 51% below the league average, and they did it by starting Josh Allen, Stefon Diggs, and Cameron Dicker for a combined 0.00 points. Three starters, three goose eggs, and 27.50 points rotting on the bench. Dumpster Fire Donations, the 7-0 team that couldn't stop getting called a fraud, strolled to a 135.52–52.50 win, an 83.02-point margin. Their schedule grace period has now officially been extended by one more week of a team that forgot to field a roster.

At the top, the undefeated tier survived with very different energy. Rammies Are #1 edged Eff them Picks 136.58–124.32, and Geno Smith, a Week 7 free-agent add, delivered 24.48 points, more than double the 12.26-point margin of victory. All you need is Love remains the league's most dangerous team, hanging 151.46 on Total Karnage (88.40) for a 63.06-point blowout. Jaxon Smith-Njigba went off for 31.30 by himself. Love is 6-1, and the three-team championship race is looking less like a race and more like a coronation with a few contenders.

The messy middle got messier. Eatadyick upset Sheller 92.82–89.62 in the nail-biter of the week, and Old School flattened winless WhoZ Next 117.28–61.00 to climb to 4-3. Next week brings the matchup everybody has been circling for a month: the 7-0 Rammies against the 7-0 Dumpster Fire, because somebody's zero is finally going to appear in the loss column.

MATCHUP RECAPS

Old School (Old School) def. WhoZ Next (WhoZ Next), 117.28–61.00

Old School improved to 4-3 and extended its streak to W2 with a 56.28-point blowout. Joe Burrow led the way with 28.88 points and Trey McBride added 27.10, which means two players accounted for 56 of the 117. Old School finished 10% above the 106.39 season average and kept pace in the middle-tier scrum. WhoZ Next scored 61.00, 43% below the league average, and fell to 0-7 with an L7 streak. Sam LaPorta (2.80) and the Baltimore defense (-2.00) did the funeral arrangements, and 47.82 points sat on the bench, which is nearly as many points as the starters put up at a few positions. At 0-7, the only question left is draft order.

Eatadyick (Eatadyick) def. Sheller (Team 13), 92.82–89.62

The upset of the week came by 3.20 points, and Eatadyick will take it. Christian McCaffrey did his usual 22.00 and Devin Singletary added 14.50, enough to scrape past a Sheller team that got 4.62 from Daniel Jones at quarterback and a flat 0.00 from Jake Ferguson at tight end. Sheller left 36.50 points on its bench in a three-point loss, which is the kind of sentence that should be read aloud at their next draft. Eatadyick climbs to 3-4 and a W1 streak. Sheller drops to 4-3 with an L1 streak, and playoff positioning in this tier is now a knife fight. Neither team cleared 93 points, so this was less a duel and more two tired boxers leaning on each other.

All you need is Love (All you need is Love) def. Total Karnage (Total Karnage), 151.46–88.40

This is a statement game from a team that keeps making statements. Love's 151.46 was the high score of the week and 42% above the league average, powered by Jaxon Smith-Njigba (31.30), Quinshon Judkins (23.40), and Omar Cooper Jr. (22.50). Even Brandin Cooks (2.30) and the Rams defense (2.00) stinking up the joint didn't matter. All you need is Love goes to 6-1 with a six-game winning streak. Total Karnage dropped to 4-3 and an L1 streak. Tyjae Spears was listed out with a knee injury and scored 0.00 in their lineup, and 66.32 points sat on the Karnage bench. A 63.06-point loss with that much bench production is how a good roster becomes a punchline.

Whoopsies (Whoopsies) def. Daily Dose of Zink (Team 15), 101.32–72.64

Whoopsies took care of business, moving to 4-3 and a W2 streak with a 28.68-point win. KC Concepcion Jr. scored 23.20, Blake Corum added 17.10, and Tyler Shough gave a quiet-but-functional 14.82 at QB. Whoopsies scored just under the 106.39 season average, which is a pretty low bar to clear when the opponent is Zink. Daily Dose of Zink fell to 2-5 with an L5 streak, the longest active skid in the league outside of WhoZ Next. Rashee Rice, listed out with a hamstring, scored 0.00 and so did Dohnte Meyers. Drake Maye went for 28.44 and the rest of the starting nine collectively gave back 44.20. When your quarterback outscores your other eight starters combined, the roster has a structural problem, not a bad-luck problem.

Tank For Arch (Tank For Arch) def. Nazty Hawk (Team 14), 93.92–84.40

Both teams scored below the league average, which makes this a victory of attrition. Tank For Arch got 20.10 from Josh Jacobs, 19.40 from Braelon Allen, and 19.00 from D'Andre Swift, and survived the Philadelphia defense posting a -4.00. They move to 3-4 on a W1 streak. Nazty Hawk dropped to 2-5, now L3, even with Matthew Stafford (18.50) and Rhamondre Stevenson (22.50) playing fine. The supporting cast scored 5.70, 4.70, 1.70, and 6.30 across WR/TE/RB2, which is dead weight in a lineup. Nazty Hawk has the 8th-most total points in the league and a 2-5 record. That is not bad luck. That is a roster with three real players and six placeholders.

Beer Sponges! (Beer Sponges!) def. Knicks Always (Team 7), 98.28–75.88

Beer Sponges! finally got off the schneid, winning 98.28–75.88 to improve to 2-5 with a W1 streak. Zay Flowers went for 27.70 and Saquon Barkley added 15.10, and Aaron Rodgers gave an acceptable 13.08. The San Francisco defense posted -1.00 and the bench wasted 61.48 points, but this week the leak didn't sink them. Knicks Always fell to 2-5 on an L4 streak and managed 75.88, 29% below the league average. Dak Prescott scored 23.28 and Cam Skattebo 19.10, which is 42 of the 75 points. The rest of the roster posted 0.00 from Christian Kirk and 1.00 from the kicker. At 592.14 total points, the Knicks have been an offense in name only.

Rammies Are #1 (Finkle & Einhorn Inc.) def. Eff them Picks (Eff them Picks), 136.58–124.32

This was the closest anyone has come to beating the Rammies in a while, and the margin was 12.26. Geno Smith, the free-agent pickup, put up 24.48 at QB. CeeDee Lamb (24.40) and Ashton Jeanty (21.60) did their share. The Rammies' 136.58 was 28% above the league average and their season low is still 136.42, which tells you how high the floor is on this team. Eff them Picks scored 124.32 in the loss, the second-highest losing score of the week, with Amon-Ra St. Brown at 24.20 and Luther Burden III at 23.70. But Bryce Young gave 7.42 at QB and 50.62 points sat on the bench, so it's another case of the lineup being the problem. Eff them Picks drops to 3-4 and an L1 streak. Rammies are 7-0, W7.

Dumpster Fire Donations (Dumpster Fire Donations) def. Rocky Mountain Renegades (Rocky Mountain Renegades), 135.52–52.50

An 83.02-point blowout, and a 27% over-average week for the perfect team. Caleb Williams went for 22.12, Tee Higgins hit 26.80, and Drake London chipped in 19.60. Dumpster Fire is 7-0 on a W7 streak and sits at 860.76 total points, still behind the other undefeated team by 220 points. Rocky Mountain Renegades finished with 52.50 and zeroed out at QB, WR1, and K. They fell to 3-4 with an L2 streak, and the problem is that their own season-high is 115.22, so there is no ceiling to dream about here. This is the fourth-lowest total in the league (608.46), and the record is better than the roster deserves.

POWER RANKINGS

1. Rammies Are #1 (Finkle & Einhorn Inc., 7-0): 1081.14 points, 154.45 PPG, and a 136.42 season low. Survived a real fight with Geno Smith and a waiver add.
2. All you need is Love (All you need is Love, 6-1): 151.46 on Total Karnage, six straight wins, and the most balanced roster in the league. Nobody wants this smoke.
3. Dumpster Fire Donations (Dumpster Fire Donations, 7-0): Perfect record, but a 122.97 PPG average and the schedule gets harder from here, starting with the Rammies.
4. Old School (Old School, 4-3): Burrow and McBride combined for 56 points, and the W2 streak puts them in real contention for a top-four seed.
5. Eff them Picks (Eff them Picks, 3-4): 856.84 points, second-most in the league behind the Rammies, and a 3-4 record. Their bench cost them games.
6. Total Karnage (Total Karnage, 4-3): 163.78 ceiling is real, but Tyjae Spears at 0.00 and a 63-point loss say the floor is a hole.
7. Whoopsies (Whoopsies, 4-3): W2 streak, solid 101.32, and Concepcion Jr. is a real piece. Shough's variance still looms over the postseason.
8. Sheller (Team 13, 4-3): Lost to Eatadyick by 3.20 with 36.50 sitting on the bench. Daniel Jones at 4.62 is not a playoff QB.
9. Tank For Arch (Tank For Arch, 3-4): Jacobs, Allen, and Swift combined for 58.50, but the roster is thin everywhere else. A W1 streak at least.
10. Eatadyick (Eatadyick, 3-4): Won the upset, but 637.52 total points and a 91.07 PPG average say this team is a mirage with McCaffrey on top.
11. Beer Sponges! (Beer Sponges!, 2-5): 722.88 total points would have most teams at 4-3. A W1 streak and 61.48 bench points tell the same bad story.
12. Nazty Hawk (Team 14, 2-5): 710.02 points ranks higher than six better-record teams. L3 streak and a supporting cast of corpses.
13. Rocky Mountain Renegades (Rocky Mountain Renegades, 3-4): 52.50 in Week 7 is the low mark of the season. A 3-4 record that probably flatters them.
14. Knicks Always (Team 7, 2-5): L4 streak, 592.14 total points, and a lineup where Dak Prescott is carrying a roster of ghosts.
15. Daily Dose of Zink (Team 15, 2-5): L5 streak, Rashee Rice listed out, and Drake Maye's 28.44 wasted by the rest of the roster.
16. WhoZ Next (WhoZ Next, 0-7): L7 streak, 61.00 this week, and a draft pick that is the only asset left to protect.

LOOKING AHEAD

• ›Marquee Matchup: Rammies Are #1 (154.45 PPG) versus Dumpster Fire Donations (122.97 PPG) is the collision the schedule has been hiding. One zero goes away, and the 31.48-point average gap says which one.
• ›Streak Watch: All you need is Love has won six straight and Rammies and Dumpster Fire are both riding W7. WhoZ Next's L7 and Daily Dose of Zink's L5 are the streaks nobody wants.
• ›Must-Win: Beer Sponges! (2-5) and Nazty Hawk (2-5) are both sitting on top-eight scoring totals with bottom-five records. Another loss makes the climb mathematically ugly.
• ›Revenge Game: Total Karnage got run by 63.06 and still has the second-highest single-game score in the league (163.78). Expect a bounce-back, and a lineup that doesn't start an injured Tyjae Spears.
• ›League Trend: Bench points are the story of the week. Total Karnage (66.32), Beer Sponges! (61.48), and Eff them Picks (50.62) all left a playoff team's worth of points on the pine. Lineup discipline is now a standings category.