MILE HIGH FANTASY CLUB

HEADLINE

Justin's Bitch Pigeons drop 204 on an unsuspecting Paul Todd.

WEEK IN REVIEW

Week 7 of the Mile High Fantasy Club season had one headline and one headline only: Justin's Bitch Pigeons went absolutely nuclear. A 204.42-point eruption — the new season high, set by the same man who drafts from the Czech Republic and somehow fields more tight ends than a college football spread offense — obliterated Paul Todd's Big Bauls on the Table by a jaw-dropping 79.92 points, the single biggest blowout of the season. Jonathan Taylor (34.20), DeVonta Smith (33.30), Jake Ferguson (25.40), and Quinshon Judkins (26.40) all went off simultaneously, which is the fantasy equivalent of all four cylinders firing while someone else's car is still in the parking lot. Justin is now 5-2 and riding a five-game win streak. The Packers superfan who orchestrates multi-team trades from Eastern Europe is quietly becoming the most dangerous team in this league.

Elsewhere, the chaos was real. Ryan's "Cohan down the drain" squad — yes, that Ryan, the one who always has an excuse ready and overvalues everything he owns — put up 167.82 to stun Brian's Caucasians 167.82-136.10. A.J. Brown (28.10), Chris Olave (26.80), and Jordan Addison (21.80) did heavy lifting while Drake Maye chipped in a sneaky 23.08 at QB2. Brian drops to 3-4 and has now lost three straight, which is a brutal skid for a team that was looking like a contender just a few weeks ago. Meanwhile, James's Schrack Daddy machine keeps humming — a 162.58-121.32 win over Chas extended his lead at the top of the standings. Bo Nix (39.96) and Trey McBride (34.40) on the same roster in the same week should be illegal, and yet here we are. James sits at 6-1 and is currently the most infuriating person in this group chat.

The other storyline nobody wants to talk about but everybody should: Andy's SLËËP3RÇĒLL posted a historic 68.66 — the season low — in a loss to Devon's So Girthy. Caleb Williams (4.68), Mac Jones (5.18), and Chig Okonkwo (0.00) started. That's three guys who combined for less than a trip to Chipotle. Andy — the Michigan surgeon who travels for draft weekend and researches sleepers like it's a clinical trial — is running out of time to make those picks pay off. Week 8 is coming, and so is the playoff bubble. Buckle up.

MATCHUP RECAPS

Bitch Pigeons (Justin) def. Big Bauls on the Table (Paul Todd), 204.42–124.50

The season high. The blowout record. The 79.92-point margin that will live in MHFC lore. Justin's lineup was a symphony of violence: Jonathan Taylor dropped 34.20, DeVonta Smith went for 33.30, Jake Ferguson posted 25.40 at tight end (one of three TEs on this roster, naturally), and Quinshon Judkins — whoever that is to the rest of us — chipped in 26.40 as a flex. Justin was 49% above league average this week, which is the kind of number you see once a season if you're lucky. Paul Todd, the league's resident stats guru and trade hound, managed just 124.50 — below the week's league average of 134.03. Keenan Allen's 28.90 kept it from being even uglier. Paul's now 1-6 and has lost five straight; the Big Bauls name feels increasingly aspirational at this point. His roster isn't bad — it's just cursed.

Chasing Championships (Jenkins) def. Bad Brakes (Blake), 160.56–89.36

Jenkins continues to be an absolute menace. A 160.56-71.20 win over Blake wasn't a football game — it was a deposition. Ja'Marr Chase (38.10), CeeDee Lamb (22.00), and Tee Higgins (21.60) all lit up the same week, which tells you everything about why Jenkins checks his lineup obsessively and why it pays off. He's now 6-1, riding a five-game win streak, and firmly in the co-lead conversation with James. Blake, on the other hand, posted 89.36 — 35% below league average — with Mike Evans and Nick Chubb combining for 2.10 points. To be fair, Mike Evans went to San Francisco and scored 0.00, which is a result that can't be planned around. But Michael Carter (5.60) and Tyler Allgeier (1.60) starting suggests the Bad Brakes roster is in genuine distress. The championship has always eluded Blake. This week did not help.

Schrack Daddy (James) def. Raven Fucker (Chas), 162.58–121.32

James doesn't check his app. He doesn't need to. Bo Nix put up 39.96, Trey McBride went for 34.40, and Davante Adams chipped in 26.50 — and James still had 114.84 points sitting on his bench, which is more than what MtnHombre scored in his entire starting lineup this week. That's not fantasy management, that's a flex. Schrack Daddy is now 6-1, averaging 166.35 points per game, and sitting atop the standings like a guy who stumbles into everything and lands perfectly every time. Chas, the man who barely opens the app and somehow always survives, had Christian McCaffrey (39.10) go off — but Jared Goff (10.34), Darren Waller (0.00 as a Free Agent, which raises so many questions), and Geno Smith (2.78) as QB2 left too many points on the table. Chas drops to 4-3 on a two-game losing streak. History says he'll figure it out. History also says he won't explain how.

Cohan down the drain (Ryan) def. The Caucasians (Brian), 167.82–136.10

Ryan — overconfident, full of excuses, allergic to admitting he's wrong about Patrick Mahomes — went out and quietly put up one of the week's best scores. AJ Brown (28.10), Chris Olave (26.80), Jordan Addison (21.80), and Drake Maye's surprise 23.08 QB2 cameo carried the day. Ryan moved to 3-4 and snapped a two-game skid. Good for him. He'll tell you he knew it was coming. Brian's Caucasians posted 136.10 — respectable but not enough — as Jahmyr Gibbs (36.80) and Matthew Stafford (27.38) did their part while the bottom of the lineup (Kendrick Bourne, Tre Tucker) quietly bled points. Brian drops to 3-4 with three consecutive losses, a tough spot for a guy who was threatening to be a top-three team just a few weeks ago. The world-traveler's roster needs a boost, and it needs it soon.

So Girthy (Devon) def. SLËËP3RÇĒLL (Andy), 113.96–68.66

Devon won this game, but let's be honest — Andy lost it more than Devon won it. Caleb Williams (4.68), Mac Jones (5.18), Chig Okonkwo (0.00), and Jordan Whittington (2.90) all started and all let Andy down in spectacular fashion. Andy's 68.66 is the season low, 50% below league average, a score that would have lost to almost any lineup in almost any week this season. The Michigan surgeon who loads up on sleepers and career-high draft picks is watching those bets go cold at the worst possible time. Devon, meanwhile, wins with 113.96 — below average himself — on the strength of Jaxon Smith-Njigba (26.30) and Javonte Williams (18.80). It's not pretty, but So Girthy is now 4-3 with a three-game winning streak and a top-two all-time standing record. Devon's villain-to-contender arc continues.

Back in the Goodell Days (Cameron) def. Big Buck Dynasty (Tolby), 131.88–127.24

The Curse lives. Tolby — our commissioner, founding member, and the Eeyore of fantasy football who always finishes just short — loses a 4.64-point nail-biter to the league's newest member. Cameron, the middle school teacher from Santa Barbara who took over an inherited team and is rebuilding it brick by brick, posted 131.88 on the strength of Justin Herbert (27.90), Tyler Warren (18.90), and Joe Flacco (25.98) doing Joe Flacco things from the bench spot. It was the week's biggest upset. Tolby had Tua Tagovailoa go for -1.40 points, which is negative points, which should not be possible, and yet. Tolby falls to 0-7 on the season. The Curse is not a joke anymore — it's a clinical diagnosis. Cameron picks up his first win in weeks and gives himself a fighting chance to avoid the pink t-shirt and beer wench duties come draft weekend 2026.

POWER RANKINGS

1. Schrack Daddy (James, 6-1) — The three-time champ is averaging 166.35 a week and has 114 points sitting on his bench. Insufferable. Also clearly the best team.

2. Chasing Championships (Jenkins, 6-1) — Five-game win streak, Ja'Marr Chase, CeeDee Lamb, and Tee Higgins all healthy. The stat nerd is building the spreadsheet and then winning it.

3. Bitch Pigeons (Justin, 5-2) — Just posted the season high from the Czech Republic. Five-game win streak. Three tight ends. Zero apologies. Playoff push is real.

4. So Girthy (Devon, 4-3) — Three-game win streak and a Girth-Master revival that's starting to feel like 2024's runner-up wasn't a fluke. The lawyer is building a case.

5. Raven Fucker (Chas, 4-3) — CMC went for 39 and it still wasn't enough. Two-game losing skid is concerning. Chas barely checks the app, but he always finds a way. Probably.

6. The Caucasians (Brian, 3-4) — Three straight losses for the world traveler is a rough stretch. Gibbs and Stafford are roster pillars, but the bottom of the lineup needs help before the playoff bubble gets tighter.

7. Cohan down the drain (Ryan, 3-4) — That 167.82 was a reminder this roster can go off. Ryan will absolutely take credit for all of it. Still two games back from the top, still clinging to Mahomes, still making it work somehow.

8. Big Bauls on the Table (Paul Todd, 1-6) — Five-game losing streak, the season's biggest blowout loss, and yet his average (134.72) screams unlucky more than bad. The stats guru is being haunted by his own numbers.

9. Big Buck Dynasty (Tolby, 0-7) — Zero wins. Negative Tua points. The Curse has a name, a face, and a commissioner attached to it. Depth is still there. The record is not.

10. Back in the Goodell Days (Cameron, 3-4) — Stole a nail-biter from the commissioner and handed Tolby loss number seven. Still growing into the league, but the analytical approach is showing up in close games.

11. SLËËP3RÇĒLL (Andy, 4-3) — Season low of 68.66 this week. Mac Jones and Caleb Williams starting at QB. The sleeper specialist is having a rough stretch, and the clock on those career-high draft picks is ticking.

12. Bad Brakes (Blake, 3-4) — 89.36 on the week, Mike Evans at zero, and two of the worst flex plays of the season. The founding member and deadline trader needs a wire move or a deal — fast.

LOOKING AHEAD

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  🏆 Marquee Matchup — Schrack Daddy vs. Chasing Championships: The two 6-1 teams meet, and this one might decide the Week 1–7 era's true alpha. James's gut-feel roster versus Jenkins's obsessively optimized lineup. The group chat will not survive this game quietly.

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  🔥 Streak Watch — Bitch Pigeons (W5) and Chasing Championships (W5): Both Justin and Jenkins are on five-game win streaks. One of them could hit six if they dodge each other. If they collide, one streak dies. Either way the Packers superfan and the stat nerd are on a collision course.

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  ⚠️ Must-Win — Big Buck Dynasty (Tolby, 0-7): Eight losses would make the Curse feel less like a joke and more like a tragedy. Tolby is one of the deepest, most strategic roster builders in this league. At some point the wins have to come. Week 8 would be a great time to start.

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  😤 Revenge Game — The Caucasians (Brian) bouncing back: Brian has lost three in a row after looking like a top-3 team. A guy who's drafted from farms in Europe and classrooms in China doesn't fly this far to go 3-5. Gibbs and Stafford are too good for this skid to last much longer.

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  📉 League Trend — The low-scorers are getting lower: MtnHombre (68.66), bmamich (89.36), and SoGirthy (113.96) all came in below 115 this week. The gap between the league's haves and have-nots is widening fast, and with the playoff picture tightening, one bad week could cost someone their season.