KARNO FANTASY 2023

HEADLINE

Wastewater Peaks at 185, Milwaukee's Unbeaten Dream Drowns at 92

WEEK IN REVIEW

The undefeated era of Milwaukee Mavericks is over, and it ended not with a bang but with a 92-point whimper — a score so lifeless it couldn't even beat a Team Carter squad averaging 125 points. While Milwaukee was busy posting their season low and losing to the one team that had no business ending their streak, WASTEWATER WINNERS were busy dropping 185.30 points — their own season high — to take sole possession of first place. Jared Goff put up 34.90, Bucky Irving went for 31.50, and George Pickens chipped in 28.00, because apparently Wastewater decided Week 5 was the week to finally look like a real fantasy team again. The standings now show three teams at 4-1, and only WASTEWATER WINNERS has the points tiebreaker to feel truly comfortable.

The week's other headline was the 92-point massacre New Number, Who Dis? delivered to Unchecked Aggression — a blowout so thorough it tied the league's biggest margin of the season. Christian Watson went for 32.30, Trevor Lawrence added 26.70, and the Packers D/ST threw in 20 points just to rub salt in the wound. Meanwhile Unchecked Aggression trotted out Stefon Diggs, who is currently listed OUT, and contributed a pristine 0.00 to the scoreline. That's five straight losses for Unchecked Aggression, whose season high of 120.50 points — set in Week 1, a game they still lost — feels like ancient mythology at this point. And Rockies REVENGE decided to match that energy by starting Lamar Jackson, who is listed OUT and scored exactly 0.00, in a 64.30-point catastrophe that ended with a 54.80-point blowout loss. Three zeros from Lamar, Rashee Rice, and Jalen Coker in the same lineup is not a strategy. That's a cry for help.

With five weeks in the books, the league is starting to separate into tiers, and the bench management crisis that plagued Week 4 hasn't fully resolved — Novotny Bombers left 71.20 points on the bench in a game they won by only 7.30, Team Carter had 78.20 sitting unused in a 104-point week, and Here comes the PAIN! was once again hemorrhaging bench value with 54.00 points idle while Roman Wilson started and scored 0.00. Week 6 is where the contenders prove it wasn't a fluke and the pretenders start doing math on their playoff odds.

MATCHUP RECAPS

Lisbon Lushes def. JC Wagons, 137.50–118.60

Lisbon Lushes extended their winning streak to two on the back of a genuinely unhinged performance from Isaiah Likely (32.40) and Parker Washington (30.40) — two guys who sound like they belong in a legal drama, not a fantasy box score. CeeDee Lamb contributed a majestic 2.90 points because CeeDee Lamb is having a season, and Tee Higgins added 4.20 in case you needed confirmation that Lisbon's wins happen despite their WR1 and WR2, not because of them. JC Wagons had themselves a respectable 118.60 — Kyren Williams went for 19.60, Pat Freiermuth added 21.50, and Brock Purdy put up 21.00 — but left 50.90 points sitting on the bench because apparently that's the league's official hobby at this point. The loss snaps JC Wagons' two-game win streak and drops them to 2-3, which is a rough place to be when you've already spotted the field a two-loss head start.

Here comes the PAIN! def. Rockies REVENGE, 119.10–64.30 💥 BLOWOUT

Rockies REVENGE scored 64.30 points, which is 49% below the league average and somehow still 0.30 points more than you'd expect from a lineup featuring three zeros. Lamar Jackson is listed OUT and scored 0.00. Rashee Rice scored 0.00. Jalen Coker scored 0.00. The Broncos D/ST and Sam LaPorta carried the entire operation with 34.80 combined points, which means Rockies basically rolled out two decent starters and a prayer. Here comes the PAIN! won comfortably at 119.10, with Josh Allen going nuclear for 33.50 and Aaron Jones adding 19.70 — though it's worth noting that Roman Wilson is listed OUT and scored 0.00 as well, so PAIN! is out here winning ugly with their own little zero in the box score. A win is a win, but 54.00 points left on the bench suggests this team is still operating at maybe 70% of its potential. Rockies fall to 1-4 and are running out of season to reverse the math.

WASTEWATER WINNERS def. Remember The Tight Ends, 185.30–165.60

This was genuinely the best game of the week — two legitimate scoring machines trading haymakers — and WASTEWATER WINNERS emerged with a season-high 185.30, which is also the second-highest single-week score in the entire league this season. Jared Goff was otherworldly at 34.90, Bucky Irving went for 31.50, and Jason Myers of all people kicked his way to 23.00 points because fantasy football has no respect for your dignity. Remember The Tight Ends put up 165.60, which on literally any other week this season beats 83% of this league — Jaylen Warren went berserk for 36.80, Joe Burrow threw for 32.60, and Garrett Wilson added 23.40. The problem is Colston Loveland posted 3.90 at tight end on a team called Remember The Tight Ends, and that structural irony continues to haunt this roster. Wastewater takes sole possession of first place at 4-1, while the Tight Ends slide to 3-2 on a two-game skid after beginning the season 3-0.

Novotny Bombers def. Lil' NoVot, 159.90–152.60

The Novotny Bombers extended their winning streak to three games on the strength of a genuinely absurd Drake Maye performance — 47.30 points from a quarterback is the kind of number that makes you question whether you're playing fantasy football or Drake Maye's personal PR team. Jahmyr Gibbs added 37.70 because why not, and Brock Bowers went for 24.00 at tight end. The catch: 71.20 points left on the bench in a 7.30-point game is the kind of roster mismanagement that ages a person. Lil' NoVot, bless their hearts, actually put up 152.60 — Jacoby Brissett threw for 32.20 and Mike Evans went for 26.30, so yes, they upgraded from the Marcus Mariota era and it still wasn't enough. Lil' NoVot falls to 1-4 and has now lost three straight, and the prediction that must-win territory awaited them has officially become must-salvage-a-losing-record territory. The Bombers, meanwhile, are now 3-2 and playing their best ball of the season.

New Number, Who Dis? def. Unchecked Aggression, 173.10–81.10 💥 BLOWOUT

A 92-point margin. Let that sit for a moment. That's the largest blowout in league history this season, tied exactly with the biggest margin on record, and Unchecked Aggression served it up gift-wrapped. Stefon Diggs is listed OUT and scored 0.00. David Montgomery contributed 1.10 points, which is somehow worse than zero because it implies effort. Harold Fannin Jr. added 1.40 at tight end. The starting lineup read like a fantasy team assembled by someone who lost their phone before the waiver deadline and just hoped for the best. Malik Nabers went for 29.10, which in a different universe would have been enough to feel okay about your week — but in this universe, your team scored 81.10. New Number, Who Dis? needed no help, with Christian Watson erupting for 32.30, Trevor Lawrence posting 26.70, and the Packers D/ST casually scoring 20 points. At 4-1, New Number is playing elite football. Unchecked Aggression is 0-5, has lost by an average of over 30 points per game, and their season high of 120.50 was set in the one week they somehow still lost.

Team Carter def. Milwaukee Mavericks, 104.30–92.00

Milwaukee Mavericks scored 92 points. In Week 4 they posted 164. That's a 72-point swing, and the undefeated dream dies not with a historic collapse but with a forgettable, low-scoring slog that a 3-2 Team Carter squad won with 104.30 points — a score that's below the league average. Jayden Daniels put up 32.10 for Milwaukee but Alvin Kamara contributed 2.60 points, Rome Odunze added 6.00, and Omarion Hampton checked in at 4.90, turning what should have been a manageable lineup into a tire fire. Also: there is no Tetairoa McMillan in this lineup. The cheat code didn't cheat this week. Team Carter's Ja'Marr Chase went for 19.70 and Drake London added 18.80, which was enough to win in a week where both teams were fighting for the "least disappointing" award. Team Carter sneaks to 3-2 on their second straight win, while Milwaukee falls to 4-1 but tumbles to third in the standings on points differential behind Wastewater and New Number. The dynasty lasted exactly four weeks.

POWER RANKINGS

1. WASTEWATER WINNERS (4-1, 754.20 PF) — Season-high 185.30 this week, first place on points, and the roster is clearly hitting its stride at the right time.

2. New Number, Who Dis? (4-1, 726.50 PF) — Won four of five with blowout efficiency; that 92-point margin is a statement, even against a depleted opponent.

3. Milwaukee Mavericks (4-1, 619.10 PF) — Still 4-1 but sitting third on points and just posted a 92-point week; the unbeaten mystique is gone and the schedule won't get easier.

4. Remember The Tight Ends (3-2, 740.90 PF) — Second-highest total points in the league but on a two-game skid; this roster has a 196-point ceiling and a Colston Loveland problem.

5. Lisbon Lushes (3-2, 655.90 PF) — Two straight wins powered by unlikely heroes; CeeDee Lamb and Tee Higgins combining for 7.10 points and still winning is a lifestyle.

6. Novotny Bombers (3-2, 627.70 PF) — Three-game win streak and Drake Maye at 47.30 is terrifying; 71.20 bench points in a 7.30-point win is a problem that will eventually cost them.

7. Team Carter (3-2, 629.00 PF) — Back-to-back wins, knocked off the undefeated Mavericks, and 78.20 bench points unused; this team is better than its decisions suggest.

8. JC Wagons (2-3, 603.90 PF) — Win streak snapped but the roster isn't the problem; leaving 50.90 on the bench in a 18.90-point loss is a self-inflicted wound.

9. Here comes the PAIN! (2-3, 577.90 PF) — Josh Allen at 33.50 is the backbone of a functional team buried under 54.00 bench points and a zero from Roman Wilson.

10. Lil' NoVot (1-4, 567.50 PF) — Dropped Mariota, put up 152.60, still lost by 7.30; this team is better than 1-4 and completely out of runway to prove it.

11. Rockies REVENGE (1-4, 546.90 PF) — Three zeros, 64.30 points, a 54.80-point loss, and Lamar Jackson listed OUT in the starting lineup. Rock bottom has a basement.

12. Unchecked Aggression (0-5, 459.90 PF) — Zero wins, 92-point blowout loss, Stefon Diggs listed OUT and starting, and 72.00 bench points collecting dust. The math has been done and it is not kind.

LOOKING AHEAD

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  🔥 Marquee Matchup: With three teams at 4-1, any matchup between WASTEWATER WINNERS, New Number Who Dis?, and Milwaukee Mavericks would be appointment television — a loss here doesn't just sting, it reshuffles the entire top of the standings heading toward the back half of the season.

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  📈 Streak Watch: Novotny Bombers have won three straight after starting 0-2, and Drake Maye at 47.30 points is either a new normal or a ticking time bomb — Week 6 will start to answer that question. Lisbon Lushes are also on two straight with their real weapons (CeeDee Lamb, Tee Higgins) contributing basically nothing.

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  ⚠️ Must-Win: Lil' NoVot at 1-4 and Rockies REVENGE at 1-4 both need wins desperately, but their remaining schedules are getting no easier and the points gap to playoff contention is growing by the week. One more loss each and the season becomes a referendum on draft grades.

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  💀 Revenge Game: Remember The Tight Ends are on a two-game losing streak after starting 3-0, and a roster capable of 196.80 points is not going to stay quiet. Whoever faces them in Week 6 is walking into a cornered animal situation.

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  📊 League Trend: The bench management crisis remains the defining storyline of this season — Novotny Bombers (71.20), Team Carter (78.20), and Here comes the PAIN! (54.00) left a combined 203.40 points on the bench in Week 5 alone. Until managers start making better start/sit decisions, the standings will continue to be decided as much by lineup neglect as actual roster talent.